Just wondering...

If you read any of the other posts... You asked a question, I made an effort to answer it and I'm not sure you're even prepared to consider the answer... I have doubts as to whether you actually want to be happy...

Failure isn't the end

Sadness is winning just at the moment and my playlist has joined in playing songs that soothe, but are indulgent of my mood and I acknowledge that listening to Soon We'll Be Found and the like will possibly prolong the return of happy - but it's all I can do right now... Still, I know happy will come back... but for now, I'm aurally cutting myself...

Would an analogy help?

I've not given this much thought so it could be completely shite, but here goes:
For me, sadness is a bit like a sharp stone in your shoe - it's an uncomfortable state that I want to avoid or end as quickly as I can, so I will take my shoe off, awkwardly lean on a wall, nearly fall over and look something less than graceful in an effort to remove the stone and be comfortable again.

Don't leave the stone in your shoe.

You need to make a list...

Somehow, I don't know how, but somehow you need to identify things that make you happy or at least bring you pleasure. I'm not talking about long term goals or projects that you can throw yourself into, I'm talking about little things you have immediate control over - that could be a photo of Sox, a packet of something yummy in your desk, a wank in the toilet, an uplifting book you can read on breaks, whatever. For me, one thing that makes me happy is music. Today, I am still fighting sad, particularly after your text this morning which seems incongruent with the way you act toward me (but that's possibly my problem to deal with, not yours?). My weapon of choice to fight sad today is music. John Butler Trio are soothing me in the background today and I think I am happier that they are here than if they were not... John Butler and I are a sad fighting team today. How can sad beat John Butler? I think JB will win convincingly. And I guess that's one of those 'secrets' - happy requires effort and a decision to fight for it, over and over and over again... If you won't fight for it, again and again and again (because it will never be a constant state to be achieved), you can't have it... I don't know if any of this makes sense, or is indeed transferable even if it does, but I'm trying to articulate it the process or function as it works for me as best I can, just in case it can be applied elsewhere.

More things to look forward to...

Right now, finding happy is very difficult for me. I feel sad that someone I love is sad and I have trouble coping with the manifestation of his sadness. I feel like I'm always doing something wrong and that it's my fault - and maybe it is, although it's never made clear. I feel I'm being kept at a distance and I don't know why.

Anyway, this isn't about bitching but about finding happy, so...

I went for a run when I got home to try to shed some sad, have put on some washing, about to do the dishes and I am thinking about things to look forward to - House is back on tomorrow and oh how I have been waiting for it! and I am looking forward to getting on the scales tomorrow morning. I have been good today and I am hoping to be rewarded with a pleasant number. So although I am feeling sad, I am looking for things to be happy about, and that helps...

Things to do

I'm not talking about a list of things to do, but I think one of the secrets to happy is having things in your life to do, and if circumstance hasn't provided this for you (like having kids), you need to go out and do it for yourself.  The more empty time you have, the emptier your life will feel. It probably doesn't even matter what it is. For me, I work long hours, which fills plenty of time.  The rest of the time is filled with family and friends, organising netball, study, watering my new herb garden and cleaning (and thoughts of leaning musical instruments, reading and learning to juggle). I have amassed a big enough internal list of things that I could do to fill my time that I am never bored or without things to do.

It's just a suggestion, but I think it would help to have more things to do (=less time to dwell), whether it's study, volunteering, a new passion for cleaning, a WEA short course whatever, just something to exercise your mind and maybe challenge the comfort perimetres... Don't know what the right thing to do is? I can relate. You can either let me pick something for you to start with or have a proper think about it yourself.  I'll give you an example though - Robert is sick of feeling at the mercy of outboard mechanics and having to outsource all of the time because he doesn't know about them, so he's enrolled in a short course to learn about them. Is that the answer to happiness? No, but it's a distraction away from unhappiness, which is a good place to start.

The catalogue

If I didn't know you better, I would suggest you start to collate a list of things that make you happy... but I won't. For me, it would include:

• Square bullet points
• Horses
• Seeing horses on Briens Road every day
• Cold grass 
• Cold water on my hands
• Touching polished wood
• The Cutting Edge
• Tilly
• M&Ms
• The bit of cardboard tied to a sign on Briens Road that says only 'HAPPY'
• Music
• Things that glow
• Flowers
• Family

And so on...

Although I don't expect you to name (just for yourself) things that make you happy in list form, I would suggest that every time you come across one, you pasue for a moment to savour the happy it brings...